Rants n tears

Its been 1 year 8 mths since i got married. Adjusting to his shift schedules can be hard at times đŸ˜„

Now that he had been changed to 12 hour shift (previously 6 hourly) i dunno what to say about it.

I’m going to make this clear. No im not jealous of stay at home wife as much as i want to be one. I just prefer the ease of having my own money to buy things i want/need at anytime.

It makes me sad n hurt when i see couples go out on dates weekends and public holidays.

Recently my bro just got married. Both hubby n wife working 5 days a week 9am-6pm daily. So they make a point to go out on friday night and come home late till wee morning of sat. And today is a public holiday they went out again, except today they ask me n hubby if we would like to join them. I had to reluctanly say no, as hubby is working night shift:|…

Me and hubby we still go like as if we are still dating. Calling and texting while at work or basically away from each other. So hubby say good that my bro n his wife are dating out. Thats nice to spend time together.  At that point i wish to punch his face. I got all fired up not angry just fired up. Telling him you say good for them then how about me? How about us? Public holidays and weekends are your working days. And im left at home to entertain myself:'(. What did he reply? He says when i bring you out for dates you get tired by 9pm why are you complaining…its you who is easily tired…
My reply to his attack… you date me out after my working hours… you know what time i wake up…i wake up at 5am end work ard 5-6pm… you date me out from 730pm… dont you think i’ll be dead tired then? Does it make sense that u date me out when im working the next day? When ive been working the whole day…while you catch up on your sleep and rest. You expect me to have the same energy like you?😭

How sad is that? How do you resolve that? I cant complain to anyone coz everyone knows him. They just dont understand the situation i am in. My husband himself dont understand me. How am i suppose to get support? Everytime we talk about work schedules we end up fighting. Hubby keeps telling me to accept his worklife. So nowadays i just keep quiet when he has a last min overtime to cover his colleague or when he has a family or “father and son” bonding even if we have already made plans…i always have to lose out. When i say always mean i really have been doing that all my life. Im not demanding person…im not a materialistic person. Im just 2nd or last in line.

Everytime i feel pissed or sad about this i end up searching for support msges in the internet. Reading about wives whose husband are working shifts. Its hard espcially hard when every husband is different.

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Low moments

After that attack we were very very vigilant. Every where he goes we were always looking out for him even if he was sleeping.

11 June 2015

As i was getting ready, i overheard dad told my bro he doesnt feel good. He say he feel like lifeless or more to lethargic. Unable to do what he had been able to do the few days after he left hospital.

As i waited for my sis my heart sank deeper now. As scary as it can be i started having stomach upsets.

As my sis was about to wear her tudung, i went up to her.
” kak, bapak don’t feel so good. You think we should wait 1st.”
Then we decided to go into dad’s room as he lay on the bed reciting whatever he can remember. My tears flow like nobody business. To a point my dad say “ko kenapa?” I just shake my head looking away.

At that time hubby was half way in his reservist. Called him to tell dad situation but he was too sleepy to digest anything.

Kakak called the ambulance. Dad told me to call all his siblings to tell them his situation. Alhamdulilah for technology dad and his siblings has a group whatsapp. With 1 message my aunt who lives about 2 blocks away came running. She reach our door as soon as the ambulance were bringing dad into the lift. Mum who was  composed broke down when my aunt came crying.

It was a very stressful morning. My sis had called the taxi to pick us up. My bros left abit later coz they have not made their beds. And my bro in law had some urgent stuff to do from yesterday.

As we sat in the taxi we were visualising what would happen if we took dad via taxi to hospital instead of the ambulance. We also forgot to tell mum siblings about dad situation. I was holding to dad phone while sis was holding to mum phone. We were in constant update.

As soon as we reach there, mum was already sitting in the waiting area alone. We were later joined by my 2 bros and later my aunt bik ana with her kiddos all the way from punggol. It was a waiting game. Then came my 2 other aunts the eldest one and the youngest one. Yes these 2 aunts stays 1 or 2 blocks away.

Then doc say he was ok. If there is no more attacks by 6pm, he can go home at 8pm. Because the hospital is at 100% occupancy.

Then at about 1pm hubby reach hospital. We waited  for awhile more then at 2.30pm, my dad told the nurses to call my mum in. He later told us to go home 1st. If he can go home later they will call. So we all went home. My aunt from punggol follwed us home coz her hubby has went to work and for her to take the train with 3 young kids she rather stay with us.

So at about 5pm, mom sis bro and bro in law went to hospital. An hour later hubby went back to camp. An hour after that my youngest bro went to the hospital himself. We were later informed that dad had to be hospitalised for a few days. They want to monitor him.

So i was left with 2 super energetic boys and 1 princess. I was of course sad that i was left to look after the kids when they went to visit dad. The kids were also sad that they didnt get to see him. Around 11pm my family came home and 15 mins later the kids parents came to fetch them.

12 June 2015

The next day as usual we went to work. Fetch my sis from her workplace and visit dad at lunchtime. And as per previous hospital visit he was healthy. Up and chirpy and happy.

It was during the same week that we heard about the young upcoming actor who passed on due to heart attack. It was saddening. My dad didnt want to believe that these can happen to people who had gotten heart attacks.

Lucky us this time round my uncle went on to tell his old neighbours bout dad situation. 1 of the guys who is quite close to dad told him his wife is also a heart attack patient. Only that she needed to take 5 types of medication. This time round then he heeded the doc advise. To walk slowly, to relax etc.

Whats even more sad for his kids. Or maybe its just me is that i had to keep dad in my vigilance. Everywhere he goes i need to know. Even when he goes toilet, after hearing him flushing is good enough for me. If hes lying to rest for a while i need to make sure he is breathing.

Nowadays i get anxious when mom calls. Or when dad don’t sent us messages forwarded by other people. My sis and i will always message and ask him how is he feeling while at work. I dunno bout my sis  but im too scared to loose my dad.

I get stomach upsets everytime he says he dun feel good. I keep going in and out of his room until he say he feels better.

I know in our life death is inevitable. I guess thinking about dad really made me stressed out. 16 hours im thinking about him. I even tell hubby to look out for dad when its his off day or if he works the night shift.

Heart sinking :|

28 may 2015
Heart sink 1

6.30am
It was just a normal morning going to work and stuff. Sis and me took the bus to work, her hubby starting work a bit late. My bros start work late too so after subuh they went back to sleep. It was hubby’s off day.

8am
Just got to work and as normal sis will give me a call asking me if i had my breakfast and what i was doing. (Fyi we stay under one roof, she works at nus and i work at PSA. We go to work together and no idea why we need to be in constant communication…haha) We had our normal talks and laugh before starting work like as if we didn’t have enough talk and laugh from the moment we step out of our home.

9.45am
Hubby text me “sayang, bapak kena heart attack” i was just about to sit down from a toilet session at the same time hubby called my office phone. I was panic but still manage to be calm and keeping my tone down. After hubby said my elder bro had called ambulance he told us to stay alert. He will call again later.

With my heart pumping harder and my stomach upsetting again, i called my sis.

“Kak, faizal call dia cakap bapak kena heart attack.”
Her reply ” not funny lah, bapak health is not funny la jah.”
“No lah kakak, in serious faizal just called me. Ambulance on the way. I need the toilet u go call your hubby his at home kan. Ok bye”

So after we got to the a&e i just found out why she say its not funny.

When i called her and told her about dad situation. My 2 colleagues beside my table were laughing at their own joke and my sis thought i was making a joke 😐. Thanks eh kak

10am
Sis called my handphone ” jah, i called abang rashid. Ambulance say they going NUH. You take a cab come to my workplace fetch me then we go hospital.”
“Ok got it. I’ll be there in 15 mins you dont be late. Mama will be alone at a&e”

Told my supervisor and zoom to my sis workplace fetch her and off to NUH. Sis called mum and ask her if she had reach hospital. Mum say in a bit.

As soon as we reach NUH, the ambulance mum and dad was on also just reached a&e. Waited quite sometime then the doc inform us dad will be hospitalised and will message us the ward and bed. Dad was kept under ICU for 2 days. I manage to see about 1 hour he was stable and and good health insyaallah. He told us the pain he felt and the hospital experience like he was not in pain at all. I was relief. I had to rush back to fetch my cousin from school before her family come and drop off her brothers.

Dad had told us to keep everything under wraps coz he doesnt want to distrub people.

So i went back fetch my cousin and rememebered i forgot to bring my keys. So we had called my elder bro to come home and help us. While waiting we went to the playground.

After we manage to enter home and few moments later my aunt came to drop off her sons. Bro and me manage to keep our poker face on. They didn’t have a clue about our family distress.

My aunt had promised her kids that they will get to sleep over until sat. Its a routine for them to sleepover once the school holiday starts. Dad don’t want them to worry about him. So he say just say he went out.

My aunt did ask where mum and dad were. I can only answer mum g ziarah orang sakit. I wanted to say bapak ziarah org sihat. Nanti dapat hint pulak kn. So i stopped there.

They left home about 5 plus to 6.

Moments later my aunt called home.

“Jah, bapak ok tak?”
“Ok je, asal bik ana?”
“Tadi apek yang tinggal across the house jumpa bik ana and maman pat bawah. Die tanya bik ana “Bapak lu ok? Dia apa pasal? Tadi wa nampak ada ambulance datang amik dia”
I tergamam, i dunno wad to say or do. So i told her  “Uh bik ana i call u back later.”

Went to my room where my bro was lepaking and told him the whole story. So he called my aunt and told her what happened. At the same time i called mum ask her to put me on speaker to let the whole family hear. My mum and sis laughed. Then dad told us to tell her not to come yet. He will allow once he get to transfer ward.

That time sis told me she will take leave on thurs and i will take leave on friday. To take care of dad and the kiddos. The kids went to visit dad on thur were they glad to be able to see dad.

Alhamdulilah, dad was release from hospital on sat afternoon. Boy was he happy. He doesnt even look like he was sick. We went the extra mile and started using canola oil, buying the air fryer and other things.

My reflection :

None of us ezpected this to happen to dad. 😣 We knew he was in the pink of health. He was exercising right. He also just had his blood check for cholestrol and stuff like 3-6 mths ago. Everything was in the pink of health. There was no tell tale ahead. We can only say thank you allah for making dad know the symtoms of a heart attack. Right after he was release we all felt better. Seeing him back to his normal self.

Sorry for the long post. I needed to tell someone about this especially when i’m at home without my bestfriend to comfort me. I miss u hubby. I know i can message my friends but they have their own families to entertain now. My heart is officially broken not by my hubby or my family. But by my dad’s health.

Engagement

So my hubby bro got engaged last weekend…

Was a busy day and i had fun getting to know the 2nd sis since the 3rd sis was scheduled for work at 5pm…

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Was just trying my hands on frosting…i felt very happy when frosting the top and my bro went…

Jah (yes my adik calls me jah -_- instead of kakak) dah bis blum dah pukul (and he peeped at my cake) wah!!! Lawa nye!! Dah cukup jgn lebih2 nanti tak lawa…

Im a happy gal lalalala haha…i know some parts are fugly…at least i tried..and im happy that i tried…

I din keep the 1st cake pic pic… it was a purple cake but a darker 1 woth rosette all over…

But here’s the 2nd …pardon me for its a bit of a mess…coz my strong friend whom i made this cake specially for had strong arms and decided that swinging the ha d that was carrying the cake was a good way to show her happiness….also due to the weather the frosting decided to melt on us by nightfall…

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So sad for my cake…i din know my cake was that bored…that it had to move itself….haha

Ok bye

Some advice

Hi peeps

Esp btb who arent engaged yet but planning to do so.

Can 1 give u some advise due to some personal experience.

Something i would advise is to ALWAYS consult and update your parents both parents on your plans. DO NOT jump to arrangements without planning.

In life we PLAN TO SUCCEED…when we plan and update our parents/elders we get restu plus plan a proper engagement plus wedding. Thats what we want right a smooth journey to our wedding and jannah insyallah.

Ladies before enforcing dates and arrangements to your gtb ensure the gtb side are agreeable on the dates and plams too.

Firstly… Please always remember if both ur parents are still alive think of them not just follow the ladies side coz theres a myth that says lelaki kena ikut permintaan side perempuan...NO…nk kawin jgn tak nk pikir hati perut keluarga lelaki and just ikutkan permintaan sebelah wanita bulat2.

Second Negotiate with both parents on a date that both parents are ok. Dun jump and make all arrangement just because you know either 1 will say no…but because things are already paid for confirm everything have to follow suit.

Third ladies if your gtb cnt get the dates you want DO NOT push him. This is because he is already head over heels with you…he can be biadap and be an arse with his family members because of you. Esp his mother, may i remind you that his jamnah is under the feet of his mom.

This is my reminder to you all.  Yes you are called matured if you can handle things on your own.

But there are things parents need to be involved esp wedding coz it involves 2 FAMILIESNOT JUST THE 2 OF YOU. When given advices accept with open heart and digest and understand.

Sorry for ranting i know i also just got married and went thru all these process too. I know i had fights but none of them being so rude or selfish.

Bandung trip – Day 1

As per title suggested yeah we went bandung…we went from the 23rd oct to 26 oct…in celebration of hubby’s bday too…we had actually planned the holiday since june…the man was excited to celebrate his bday 1st time with his beloved wife(haha tak malunye aku)…

Anyways it was quite a long wait since we booked the holiday via expedia since jun haha… we were forever counting down to our wedding (oh dah lepas eh) holiday hehe…

We booked our hotel and flight via expedia for quite a deal… Flight was silkair about 1 hour flight from singapore with in-flight meal…which i dont think was neccessary coz we had to eat fast. The airport in bandung was an amazing experience. After we alighted from the airplane we had to walk to the “airport”. Being tourist we wanted to take pic of the “airport” but was cut off by the staff there as another plane was arriving. Coz the runway was also the walkway. So we just head off to get our passport chopped and retrive our luggage. Quite a small space and we notice something very funny. We keep seeing people who looks like his distant uncle (5 to 10 years older then my hubs) we keep laughing coz its one after another walking pass us looking almost exactly like him. So we know we have indonesian blood hahaa. The luggage collection area was very squeezy. There is only 1 belt and it moves at a slow pace. Everybody gathered there waiting for the luggage to be out. Unlike singapore belt it will turn 1 round. Theirs is goes 1 way if u dont pick it up all the luggage will be stuck at the end. Yes la theres a person who will pick up all the unclaim luggage.

After that we looked around for our driver whom we booked from Hayukka bandung. He looked like a gangster hahah…he was a dark skinny guy wearing his work uniform too tight on his skinny body haha…standing o n 1 leg. When we went towards him he was a very nice guy told us to wait for him to get his car to us. All their cars are very comfy. I think we ride 3 of the company cars. He was our driver aka tour guide his name was nafiz. Very nice fella, told us tips what to avoid and where he will bring us to get cheap stuff.

1st up in our itineary was Pasar Baru i think 7 levels of makciks heaven can be hell for some… why hell? Coz there are a lot of shopped own by the same owner. And almost everything is the same price and same material. We went there 1st coz we want all the clothes sewn and delivered to us by sat night. But i guess my driver being a driver confirm he get some tips for bringing tourist certain places. He brought us to D’fashion. A lot of cloth there almost like jakel. But jakel have more cloths and other items. We bought 3 types of cloths all in 9 meters couple set easy for future events. Coz us about 100 plus.

Then we head off to Pasar Baru, as i told the driver i wanted to go there to buy cloth and get clothes sewn too. He brought us straight to this shop call CR… he owns almost 20 shops in the building all selling cloths…we went around and found to be in the same shop at ard 3-4 diff locations. We also went to a few diff shops and ended up at this shop chand and got our cloths sewn there. Its was about 3 plus to 4pm by then so we headed off to check in.

I had done prior arrangements on the 20th, requested that the hotel to give us free cake and present for my hubby bday (tak malu seh aku) haha… i was excited for that and also i bought some macarons and cake in a jar from a vendor from instagram. Sweet or what. Hotel is quite new opened in 2010 if im not wrong.

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Cakes, mug and birthday card from the hotel management.

Hubby was surprised and loving it. We also had bought dinner outside coz we too tired and lazy to eat out. The best sambal chilli in bandung or maybe thats how they made the chilli in bandung. If u go to bandung ask the driver to bring you to to this shop or can also order from your hotel room. The ayam a bit tough maybe coz hubby said its ayam kampung. Btw the portion is small too the chilli is to die for…haha

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Thats how we ended day 1 at bandung. Will be back for day 2 soon…

Photobooth by Cinnamon Tree

Hey people!!

Salam ramadhan mubarak!! Oh belum eh hahaha…ok few hours more to go b4 ramadhan knock on our doors…let’s welcome with open hearts and minds…

Would like to begin this post with mohon maaf kepada sesiapa yg terluka ketika membaca blog saya. Kerana saya tulis tentang diri saya dan jika sesiapa yg membaca dan terasa pada dirinye maaf byk2…saya bukan nak kena kan sesiapa coz this is my life journey…

Sooooo anyways this post is dedicated to my photobooth team… team Cinnamon Tree ….lets give them a round of applause as they manage to get what I requested… I was told that I was 1 of the first few brides that engaged them for their photobooth…I have to admit there was worry and also excitement as I communicated with lynn the manager for the team…how did I came to know about them? Well 1 of them was my primary school friend…and what better way to support them!! Hehe

Ok so the actual day that I went to book my slot with them was I think in oct I had my bridesmaid su to follow me on this…we went to mamandas where they had a little booth set up there…it was crazy I tell you the wind was blowing and the booth keep falling down…the team was crazy keep on taking crazy pictures of themselves…I was nervous if they wanted me to take pics haha…and the best part I gave lynn the wrong date hah…sorry lynn…

I was nervous coz there was no sneak peek on the set up if the booth…even on my big day I din manage to catch a glimse coz I was busy taking pics haha…but I manage to steal time to take pics coz I was afraid that the booth would close up before we come back from the groom side…when I saw the set up…it was breathtaking from my deco…

I had requested a rustic theme. Why? Coz it look so casual relax and most importantly woody haha (dun ask me why) so here’s the pic of the back drop which was beautifully done…

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And our poses

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After taking this pic I was thinking eh ketiak aku basah ke tak eh pose sembarang je…pengantin perempuan paling buruk mcm aku je pikir after dah buat…haha

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The frame was done by 1 of the team whom is my ex schoolmate a gift from him to us cool right!!!

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Btw the arabic duas were craved out by dad he made the effort and even had it glittered with the help of 3 musketeers and my siblings…all was done 1 year b4 my wedding…haha the 1st thing done and ready for my wedding…

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The schoolmate abd his gf I think…enjoy eh korg pengantin blum sampai

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The cuzzins

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Cute adorable kids…dunno whi they belong to hahaha

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Love this group cousins shoot all cramped together…

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How come you din print this and put in the album shasha…omg this has become another form of communication for us…haha

Last but not least

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A group photo with the bridesmaids…

Feel free to contact Cinnamon Tree or Azristry for packages they are a bunch if friendly people to work with.

They are also having raya promo

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Add them up at their ig Cinnamontr33 and see their latest backdrops…they are beautiful I tell you!!!